In the hospital, they do a hearing screening on newborns. Mikaela "referred" the first day. She didn't have the required number of responses to the sounds. In other words, she failed the test. How are they tested??? Well, electrodes are hooked up to her head to monitor brain activity and tones are played through earphones. The nurse who administered the test told me they play about 1500 clicks and the baby is required to respond to 150 in order not to "refer". Mikaela responded to about 50 - or so it appeared. She then was to be tested the next day. She referred again. At this time, they explained it could be due to fluid in the ear, often the case with C-Section babies. Often they test in a few weeks upon leaving the hospital at an audiologists office and pass - no problem. They also told me that their test only goes up to 30 decibals. They told me her hearing might need to be tested at higher volumes. I didn't know what level normal conversation is at that time, so it sounded "okay".
Then on the third day, when she referred yet again, I began to mourn. To be honest, I cried most of the day. My mom was there with me and I couldn't help but think about the "what ifs". 'How will we all - the extended family included - make the time to learn sign language?' I want her to be able to talk to all the aunts, uncles, cousins, etc....how will that be possible??? 'What if she is running to the street and she can't hear me call her name?' 'How can I keep her safe without smothering her?' As parents we just want life to be easy for our children. 'What was to lie ahead for Mikaela?' 'We don't have any experience with the deaf community.' I guess I have a lot to learn! These are the thoughts that played on that day. Once I was alone in my room, I just held her and really bawled!! A nurse came in to check on me and was stopped in her tracks when she saw me just sobbing! I looked at her and just said, "What if my baby can't hear?" She didn't know what to do with me. :-) She stammered and tried to tell me everything would be okay.
During this emotional turmoil on day three, I knew it was only temporary. I knew I was postpartum. I knew I needed to let the emotion out so I could be logical in the days to come. I know myself. I had to go through this purging or catharsis in order to let it go and move on to the next step. My eyes were so puffy. That night when Kurt came to visit us, I was just spent.
Well, the next day, October 30th, we were to be going home. This would be the last time they would do the hearing screening in the hospital. She referred. I wasn't even upset. I figured, "Well, we'll just make an appointment with an audiologist and get the real deal." I was hoping and banking that it was just fluid and would correct itself in time. Let's just enjoy this little bundle!
Looking back, it should have been so obvious. Her "bassinet" in which she was wheeled from the nursery to my room had such a squeaky diaper drawer. It would have had to have been cottage cheese - not just fluid - in her ears not to jump when we opened it. But she never jumped. Not once. She never woke or startled as people would come in and out to visit. I just thought...oh, she's a C-Section, she doesn't even know she's born yet. Justin was similar. He didn't even cry for the first few days of life.
My cousin, Desiree asked me what my "mommy senses" were telling me. I truly thought she had some hearing loss. Mild.... Maybe Moderate.... We'll wait and see.
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